A blow by blow account of my journey from Leamington Spa to Edinburgh. A quick train journey to Birmingham, a coach trip to the Scottish capital (I treated myself to a National Express coach instead of the Megabus) and then a brisk short walk to the flat.
09:05 – Leave my flat in Leamington (it wouldn’t fit in my bag).
09:05:01 – Politely ignore my neighbour
09:08 – Regret packing so many clothes and books.
09:18 – Arrive out of breath at the station. My train is delayed but no bother. I remain positive in spirit.
09.28 – Spy a girl at the end of the platform just dancing to herself. She is embracing the spirit of the weekend. Dance on random girl. Dance on.
09:36 – Get on the train (Chiltern). Its quite busy so my bags are on top of me but its only for 40 minutes.
10:05 – Arrive at moor Street station, Birmingham
10:07 – I was one push away from doing a poo in a cubicle with no toilet paper. Sort it out Moor Street!
10:23 – Paid 30p for a poo in Birmingham Coach Station instead (worth every penny)
10:32 – There’s a woman in the waiting room trying to catch my eye … she has 5 kids with her. I reckon that she thinks I’m wealthy because I’m catching a National Express Coach and not the Megabus.
10:54 – On the coach. Yes there is a crying child.
11:00 – Off we go! I’m on the way, from misery to happiness today. Aha Aha Aha Aha.
11:07 – The person next to me has a look of blissful reverie in her eyes. She looks like she’s fallen in love but smells like she’s fallen in a pond.
11:43 – Just having a cheeky stop off at Wolverhampton coach station. Nobody gets on or off.
12:40 – Here’s one for you. What is nobodies favourite type of jam? A traffic jam! No but seriously the traffic is jammed.
13:44 – Looks like this coach driver isn’t going to stop anywhere for lunch. Jokes on him, humans can go for 40 days without food and anyway I’ve brought a sandwich.
14:23 – Quite a few old and/or infirm people have walked past me to use the toilet at the back of the coach. None of them have come back. Maybe it has a really strong flush.
15:12 – Child is still screaming.
15:45 – Still screaming and the family are screaming at it to stop
15:46 – I wonder if Leamington dancing girl is still dancing. I hope so.
16:23 – I don’t think that children should be allowed on coaches until they’re old enough to be left on the hard shoulder on the own
17:02 No-one seems able to shut the toilet door properly and it keeps slamming and wafting smell down the coach. This is further upsetting the child.
17:05 – I don’t want to sound like a snob but some of these people really should be on the Megabus.
17:20 – Scotland has a lot of windfarms and deforestation.
18:09 – most people get off at Glasgow. Wondering whether I can risk a fart. Better not.
18:12 – Oh shit a huge group of young people have got on and they’re all so fresh and happy and they’re talking.
18:13 – They were screaming with glee because there was room for them all to sit together.
18:14 – “I’m psyched for the party tonight” says one. That is what I’m dealing with.
18:15 – OH GET ON A MEGABUS!
18:16 – One or more of them smells like playdoh. And they’re talking about gimmicks for advertising – I think they have a show at the fringe. They don’t strike me as talented though.
18:23 – Panic over. They all got they’re phones out and shut up J
18:38 – OH MY GOD THEY ARE NOW SINGING IN HARMONY!!!
18:39 – Haha the driver is shouting at them over the tannoy.
19:25 – Finally arrive in Edinburgh. Oh, google says I have a 45 minute walk with my heavy bag.
20:10 – Arrive at the flat. Sit on sofa and stay there indefinitely.
And that was my journey. Note that most of it is a huge embellishment of the truth and I don’t really hate the Megabus (Although I did once overhear someone on a Megabus say “I’m not going to a 2 for £10 meal pub for my birthday, lets go somewhere posh like Nando’s).